The first week of school has officially ended and can I just say DAMN! My ass was handed to me this week. With each class only being 8 weeks long, they are already fast-paced in and of themselves. Combine that with a too packed week and you get spending Friday night at home finishing homework (already delirious) and praying to get more than 5 hours of sleep.

I am overwhelmed to say the least. I know that this is most definitely manageable though. It’s really just a matter of allowing myself an adjustment period. I haven’t been to school in 5 years and let’s be serious, working a full-time job, being on the Relay for Life committee, finding time to workout, trying to maintain a small social life, and finishing all the discussions, labs, assignments, and reading for 2 classes is not exactly easy to balance.

In the midst of this crazy and completely draining week, I’ve noticed some changes. Primarily changes in some people’s behaviors. It’s amazing how when you finally do something for yourself, how truly unsupportive your so-called friends really are. In my FIRST week of classes, I was already getting shit from people about not being able to attend events, not being able to stay long at happy hour, etc etc… and it truly surprised me. Here I am, taking a huge leap and doing something that will essentially help me have a better career, and I’m getting push back from the people that I need support from the most.

After a long chat with a close friend tonight, I was reminded of a blog post that I read earlier this week. The post is titled, “Belong to Yourself & You’ll Find Who Else You Belong To!” As much as I loved the entire post, there were 2 parts that really stuck with me that I want to share with you:

“When you’re surrounded by the right people, who believe what you believe and support your dreams, you can thrive.”

and a Will Smith quote:
“You will see how far in life you’ll go with the 5 people you spend the most amount of time with.”

I see very clearly now that not everyone is going to support my decision to go back to school but I realize now more than ever that the people who don’t support me are not the right kind of people that I need to be surrounded with.

If you only take one thing from my rambling rant tonight (which may not even make sense tomorrow), please take this with you:

Surround yourself with people that will lift you up in moments of weakness, doubt, and fear, and then lift you up even higher in moments of happiness, love, and hope. Everyone else is irrelevant to the betterment of YOU.

“Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.”

*Blog title lyric credit goes to Passion Pit – Little Secrets
Photo credit: http://weheartit.com/entry/13895105

Regardless of how much I want to sleep for just a few more hours (hell, I’ll take 15 minutes) when my alarm goes off, I really try to start the day with an open mind and a smile. I try to have a a positive outlook that today will be better than yesterday and I pride myself on doing that. However, there are those days where it really doesn’t seem to matter how big my positive outlook is, the Universe just craps on me.

A year ago, I would say the bad days all pretty much had to do with my job (thank God I don’t have that problem anymore) but today the chaos of the week simply caught up with me and my emotions got the best of me. Fighting with friends, uncomfortable situations, lack of sleep, and an injured hip was the majority of my frustration. So, I decided I would go to yoga tonight & relieve some stress since I couldn’t go running.

I headed to a yoga place close to my house when I get a call informing me the scholarship I thought I got was really just miscommunication and I didn’t get it. Then I get to the yoga place only to find out that it was closed (even though their online schedule said they had a class tonight).

Let me ask you something. Have you ever had so much build up at once and you literally feel like a ticking time bomb? Yeah, that was me.

I had 2.5 seconds to decide if I was going to go home or haul ass across town to make a different yoga class. So, I hauled ass and I got there with 2 minutes to spare. And let me tell you, yoga owned me tonight. This was only my second yoga class, ever, and it was no beginner action. I don’t know if you’ve ever done a yoga class before, but you’re so focused on trying to do the poses and breathe (I have a hard time remembering to breathe) that every single thing that was on your brain instantly disappears.

I honestly have no idea if I was doing anything right and I honestly don’t care. Sweat was just dripping from everywhere, even my calves! But I have to admit, I was kind of counting down the minutes to the end of this power hour (I did mention this was not for beginners, right?). Then, we got to my favorite pose – the Savasana. This is a pose where you lay on your back, arms to your side, palms up, and you are in total relaxation. They call it the “dead man” pose. This is usually where everything that was on my mind before comes racing back but today was different. I was in a completely new place – and at some point, I even forgot that I was in a room full of people. It was pure stillness. And it was awesome.

When I left to go to my car, a moment from my North Carolina trip came to mind.

The day we left for North Carolina it was a little bit cloudy in Orlando. Gray skies & a forecast of rain for the weekend. We went through security, grabbed a little breakfast, and then waited for our flight. Once we were on the plane and up in the sky, we eventually broke the dark cloud barrier and you know what was above it?

The sun. And it was shining so brightly and it was surrounded by white fluffy clouds and blue skies. It made me remember that the bright side of every situation happening in your life is actually there – you just have dig deep & push through it…you’ll eventually find it.

So, let the Universe kick your ass. But get back up and find a way back to your happy place…even if it’s just through an hour of yoga.

Have you ever been to Tijuana Flats for their dessert? My oh my, it is SO GOOD! It’s warm cookie dough flautas, lightly dusted with powdered sugar, and chocolate sauce to dip it in. That = a serious dessert and it was much needed last week when I met my lovely sister for a quick chat. We were catching up and shortly after she asked the age old question, “how are you?,” I found myself crying over this amazing dessert and really…who cries over dessert?

I’ll be honest. I’ve been in a funk. You see, I have this thing called I like to act like absolutely nothing is wrong and everything is just hunky dory when in fact it’s really not. I also have this thing called I like to pretend I am superwoman and can do everything tossed in my face and absolutely kick its ass and then some. The result of all this has been a life full of freelancing, LadyBallers, blogging, eating way too much, going out of town, business meetings, getting more involved in my community, and spending too much money – basically a bunch of chaos. And this crazy awesome chaos has also resulted in losing sight of important things like eating healthy, working out, figuring out if I want to go back to school (yes, I’ve been contemplating this), and ultimately finding my dream career.

I feel like I keep diving into all this stuff hoping it leads to where I want to be – especially in a job I want to be in. But at the end of every day, regardless of my accomplishments, I feel like I’m just running around in circles – getting nowhere. I know I have to “pay my dues” and “good things come to those that wait” but damn. I’m tired of waiting! I’m not asking for the whole kit n’ kaboodle but maybe something small that tells me, “you’re on the right track.” It’s SO frustrating to constantly feel like you’re running in place. And the things is, I don’t actually know how to GET where I want to be. I don’t know if I’m going in the right direction. And I surely don’t know what move I should make next.

But what I do know is that I have to slow down. A lot. So, I’m taking a couple weeks/months (eh…I’m playing it by ear) and I’m determined to get my health back on track, figure out if I can make school happen, and most definitely make moves to land my dream job. I don’t know how long it will take or what will have to be compromised for it to happen, but I know that I have to gain some control back, slow down, and get back on track.

So, in an effort to start my week of strong, I went to Cranes Roost on Monday to go for a run. I think I was on lap two or three when I came up to one of the hills. From a distance, I saw in front of me a cute little family – a Mom and Dad pushing a stroller, an older one walking off to the side (clearly he didn’t want to be associated with his Mom and Dad – haha), and just in front of them, a little one on a tricycle. As I watched the little boy on the tricycle get closer to the hill, I just knew he was going to have a hard time getting all the way up. He got about a fourth of the way when all of a sudden, I saw him starting to roll back slowly. So, I ran up behind him and asked him if he wanted help. His eyes LIT up and he quickly nodded his head. I started pushing the bike and telling him to pedal really fast. All he really did was just look at me smiling (and I’m sure he parents were thinking I was probably going to kidnap him). But eventually, we got to the top of the hill, and I asked him, “are you good?” His eyes just lit up and he nodded his head.

Oddly, this made me see clearer that…

There’s always going to be moments that will test me.
There’s always going to be moments where I might fall.
There’s always going to be moments where I might stumble.

But I have to remember that these are just moments…little speed bumps on my journey. Even though I really wish I could be superwoman, I realize now that it’s really okay that I’m not. And I know that even if and when (you know there will be a when) I try to be superwoman again, there will always be someone to push me and help me along the way, even if it’s just for a moment.

*Starbucks photo credit goes to Brandon Stephenson because he’s the awesome/silly friend that sent it to me and I have no clue where he got it =)