I remember the day I moved out of Gainesville like it was yesterday. I was headed to Orlando to finish my degree at UCF. All my bags and boxes were packed and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my last couple hours than to be cuddled up on a couch watching TV with my best friend. Once we parted ways, I remember crying for most of the drive, not even remotely excited for the new adventure I was beginning. You see, I used to think moving was such a permanent thing. I had been told so many times that I wouldn’t last in Orlando and that I’d be back to Gainesville soon enough. And even though I was scared, I was determined to prove everyone wrong and make it work. (In case you’ve never met my Dad, I’ll have you know he instilled this “I will do everything in my power to prove your ass wrong” attitude in me.)
Seven years later and I’m still here. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad thing. Orlando has definitely been good to me. I have seen myself change and grow to levels I didn’t think was possible. I have found a drive in me I didn’t think I had and I wouldn’t change my time here for anything. But over the past couple months, a few of my friends have moved (and a few more are moving next month), and I’ve found myself upset with them that they were leaving me. Over the past few weeks, I’ve come to realize that I’m actually just upset with MYSELF for not taking a chance on something new and I’m jealous they are brave enough to take the steps necessary to make themselves happier.
I’ve been thinking about moving for a few years now but I always seem to find a reason to stop myself from actually pursuing it further. Maybe it’s because I’m not a very adventurous person or maybe I’m just letting fear win. I really don’t know. I mean, is there ever really a “right” time to just pick up your stuff and go? To say goodbye to what you’ve known for years and start at the very beginning – again?
Strangely enough, I feel like the answer to this is yes. I read Kelly Cutrone’s “If You Have to Cry, Go Outside” book a while ago (pick it up if you haven’t read it yet) and it changed my world. She talks about how everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) has a tribe of people out there that is exactly like you and it’s up to you to find them. If you’re not thriving where you are, it’s up to you to figure out where you do actually thrive and GO THERE.
“Sometimes you need to let go of everything you’re clinging to and start over, whether because you’ve outgrown it or because it’s not working anymore or because it was wrong for you in the first place.”
So, guess what? I’m going to stop being afraid of the unknown and start living my life for ME. Operation “Figure Your Shit Out” is full steam ahead. I’m going to make a list of all the potential moving places for me and take the next year to visit them all.
First stop? Dallas.
Second stop? Seattle.
I have zero idea what will happen from there. All I know is that design and music is what makes me tick and I have to find a place where both of those mediums exist and where I can thrive as an individual. I don’t want to be that person who just accepts their life as is and does nothing more to make it what they truly want. I want more out of life and nobody is going to hand that to me on a silver platter.
“Dreams won’t always take you on a straight path to destiny, but they’re usually related to what your soul wants for you.”